Finding Romance at Christmas

We may only be approaching autumn but there's a feeling of Christmas festivities in the air already. X Factor and Strictly Come Dancing fight for the weekend viewers; the shops are full of advent calendars and Christmas cake; and work / your friends are already planning their Christmas parties. As a singleton, it's also a daunting, and sometimes lonely time of year. However, you are logged on to the right site as this year is going to be different! Follow our �run up to Christmas' dating guide and improve your chances of getting close to your perfect partner this Christmas.

Seasonalise your profile. Depending on when you joined, you may have added notes about yourself that were current at the time. If it was in the summer you may have talked about sunshine, you may have since had a change of lifestyle, or another birthday. Irrespective of when you wrote your notes about you, change them to reflect your hopes for the Christmas & New Year season, and make sure you have written something that people can ask you about. Questions about your must have Christmas present, your Christmas tipple or New Year resolutions are all great email content and invite a response back to you.

Take some time out. Planning your Christmas & New Year activities - be that present shopping, clothes shopping for parties, organizing time with family and friends and clearing your desk for the end of the year has all probably been scheduled into your day. Have you scheduled time in to find a date too? Don't expect, and get instantly disappointed, if the first few people you chat to you don't date. In a bar on a Friday night you probably wouldn't look twice at most of the people who look at you! The point is it takes time, and on average an online dater will use the site for 3 months - so now is the time to get looking. Invest the time and effort to reap the rewards!

Get a friend involved. Double dating eases the nerves a bit, but may not be quite what your date was looking for. Why not persuade a friend to join too, and work together to find each other a partner, or get one of your friends to help write your profile for you. They will be honest, write things you may not, but overall give an honest, glowing account of you. The reasons your friend likes you will probably be in the main, the reasons why someone will fall in love with you.

Memories of the festive period. Everyone that catches your eye on the site, or sends you a message will have memories of Christmas. A great ice breaker is to ask a member about their Christmas plans, favourite or dream present, or for a their best memory for this time of year. Everyone has one and is an instant common link between you and them. Why not share yours too, giving them plenty of subjects to respond on. But don't fall into a monologue about your last 30 years of Christmas - just one will be a great start!

It's Party Season - don't forget! One of the great things about this site is that by spending a bit of time, generating an email rapport with members, you shouldn't this year be relying on the work Christmas party to find romance! Take a bit of time to alter your profile, add lots of photographs of you and your lifestyle and spend the time browsing members, utilizing the hotlist functionality and getting in touch. If things aren't quite going to plan, why not organize a social evening with friends, and their friends. It's also a great time of year to take some of your best pictures, as you'll be making an extra effort with how you look! Make sure you either text in, email or send in your pictures so you have a variety of snaps on your profile.

Should you date on the rebound?

'Rebound dating' is a relationship that begins immediately following the break up of a long-term relationship.

We all know the heart ache that follows a break up and we all deal with the emotions that follow in different ways and many choose to go straight into a new relationship but why, and is this the way forward?

After a relationship has ended, many people quickly turn to new relationships as a means of reestablishing a sense of feeling whole. The weight of the loneliness can drive you to look for instant companionship, even if the person is a poor match for you. Rebound relationships are complex due to the emotional void left from the break-up. Below, you'll discover why you shouldn't dive straight back in to being a couple and why waiting may be the best way to reignite your dating life.

Even though it's natural to feel needy and vulnerable after a break-up, jumping into a relationship to solve your loneliness is never the answer - not only for you but for the other person, as well. Establishing a healthy relationship requires each person to start the relationship because they want it, not because they need it.

Being alone can be healthy

Relationships form strong connections and bonds between partners. Often when in a relationship you can lose yourself and your individuality. After a break up you have an opportunity to regain that sense of who you are as a person. The time alone helps you to develop independence.

Spending time alone after a break-up also gives you the chance to reconnect with friends and family, and pursue things that are important to you. It's a great chance to spend time enjoying your hobbies that you may have set to one side during your relationship. Most importantly, the time alone provides an opportunity to gain closure about your break up so you can leave it in the past.

Fools rush in

Dating while you're on the rebound can be filled with pitfalls, especially when you haven't taken the time to think about your past relationship. When two people that have cared for each other end their relationship an emotional void is left behind. If you start dating while that void is still there, they won't just go away. Before long, they'll become part of your new relationship which in turn will suffer.

If you rush into a new relationship you don't give yourself time to evaluate why your previous relationship ended; to look inside yourself. You may need to address things such as personality issues, emotional neediness and dependability or you could find that these things just follow you to your new relationship causing problems again.

There is no calculation for how long you should leave it between relationships. Everyone has a different way of grieving and a different amount of time required to heal. Just remember that the longer the relationship was, the more time that is required. If you rush in and begin dating immediately, you run the risk of never healing or gaining that closure. You should know in yourself when you're ready for a new relationship. IN your mind you should have dealt with your past relationship and no longer have strong emotions about the person, break up or situation.

Additional Considerations

When children are a part of the equation, it is even more important to avoid rebound dating. It's confusing, and unfair to introduce your children to numerous partners. It's best to only involve your children with the relationships that mean a lot to you and this won't be the case with most rebound partners.

Also remember that your children may have been close to your previous partner and they too may need time to adjust to him or her not being around. Be there for them and give them time to talk about him/her and explain why you've moved on. Children, especially when they're young, may feel insecure when an adult figure leaves their life. Reassure them that you're there for them. They will share many of the feelings of loss that you feel and so be sure to consider their feelings in all of this.

Time is a great healer

Whoever said that time is a great healer was right. However clich� it sounds it's so true at the end of a relationship that meant a lot to you. Remember to take time after a break up so as to avoid rebound dating. Many people have a series of bad relationships, not because they are always victims or have a run of bad luck, but because they have not taken the time that they need to ground themselves and heal. �In time, and once you have fully gotten over your break up, you'll be ready to move onto a new, and hopefully better relationship.

Should you date your best friend?

Having a best friend is an essential part of life. Someone that has the same interests as you, that you enjoy being around and that you can talk to about anything. It's someone you do everything with. You have the same taste in music and films, you both love Mexican food and you have the same sense of humour. No doubt you speak to each other at least three times a day - they're the one person that truly understands you. It's a special relationship but what if your feelings grow and you want to be more than just friends?

There's a lot to consider when you decide whether or not to admit your feelings and say out loud that you want to date them. You probably never thought this could happen and then wham!, it hits you that this person means a lot to you and you're slowly falling in love with them. You begin to wonder if he could feel the same way about you? Should you reveal your feelings? You know that once you've said it out loud there will be no turning back.

You should begin by assessing whether you should take things further. Follow these basic steps:

• Begin by evaluating how serious your feelings are about him and how long have you felt this way?
• Ask yourself why you are feeling this way now? Has he lost weight? Did he just get a girlfriend? Don't confuse jealousy of someone or something else that's taking his time from you as real feelings.
• Ideally if you could talk to someone else that has dated their best friend you could ask about their experience (finding someone may be difficult though)
• Take a few days to think about your feelings toward him and to evaluate whether you think he may feel the same way too.
• List the pros and cons of revealing your feelings to your him.

This situation is a difficult one for anyone in these circumstances. Each friendship will be unique and only you will know the true advantages and disadvantages of taking things to another level. Below are some basic pros and cons to consider that apply for most people.

Pros

• You know him very well. You like his personality: you already know he's smart, how his moodswings work, what makes him happy, and when to steer clear of him. You know him inside out and still like him!
• You get along and have a great time together: you have common interests and even when there's nothing to say, you share comfortable silences.
• You know his friends and family, and he knows yours and you all get on great.

Cons

• You already know what he likes and how to please him - this can be seen as a negative as this is often the fun, learning part of a new relationship. Skipping this chapter as a dating couple may alter the process and not work in your favour.
• You're taking a big risk: you have a lot to lose in the way of friendship if he doesn't feel the same. What if it ruins everything? - you can't imagine him not being a part of your life.
• You may not be compatible in every area - being best friends with someone doesn't mean you will be compatible intimately. You'd also lose the one person who anxiously listens to your complaints about loser dates. Who are you going to complain to about him?

Once you've weighed up the pros and cons only you can decide what to do next. I'm sure you're well aware that there are huge risks involved by confessing and it's hard to know what to do. If you choose to keep quiet about your new feelings it will mean being dishonest which could in itself be harmful to your friendship. On the other hand you could go for it and all of the risks could be worth it.

If the two of you are as close as you think, revealing your feelings may not cause more than temporary awkwardness if he doesn't have mutual feelings. Just remember that the greatest relationships grow from great friendships.

Dating in your 40s - back on the dating scene

Online dating for the mature people among us can seem daunting. You may be fooled into thinking that dating is just for young people but this certainly isn't the case. So many people over 40 are dating again due to reasons such as divorce and so you are not alone. Online dating gives you the opportunity to meet so many people that your busy lifestyle; juggling work, home and families, wouldn't allow you to otherwise.

Research shows that the over forties are just as romantic as they ever were and online dating can offer you the opportunity to meet someone special.

If it's been a long time since you last dated and you're anxious, don't be. A lot may have changed since you last dated and I'm sure you're a different person than you were back then. Being older and wiser is an advantage and even if you're not used to computers don't worry as online dating is so user friendly and what you don't know about technology you make up for in life experience which will help you find a date. Over the years you will have developed skills which can give you a huge advantage that many young people have yet to learn;

• Judging character and being able to 'read' someone
• Knowing what you want (and don't want) from a relationship and in a partner
• Knowing who you are and therefore what you need and want
• Responsibilities, such as children, remind you how serious this all is and have taught you to weigh your options and make the right decisions

Dating in your 40's may be more complicated than when you were young. Previous relationships, a divorce or children, weren't an issue before but although you may have to approach dating differently as a result it can still be enjoyable and rewarding. So what do you have to consider?

Your emotional baggage will affect how you approach new relationships. If you're been hurt in the past you'll naturally be cautious so take your time and don't rush into anything. Your family may not approve of you dating especially if you have children, and your children themselves may have trouble understanding. You need to explain that you need your own life and get them to see your point of view. Remember too that the people you meet may have similar obstacles to overcome so this will affect how you treat them. In contrast to how you probably dated when you were younger, your approach will probably be a practical, no-nonsense approach. Being open about what you're looking for in a relationship right from the word go will help you avoid wasting time.

Like you, potential dates will have life experience; you're going to meet all kinds of people. People you meet will have skeletons in the proverbial closet. If there is a recent ex, or difficult divorce still lying around then be wary but don't disregard a possible relationship. The best approach is just to be open and honest about your situation and feelings.

If children are involved it can be even harder to start a new relationship (but far from impossible). You need to be aware of the needs of your children, but remember that you do also have the right to be happy. This is easier said than done and is a constant balancing act, but it is possible. If you don't have any children but your new date does, you need to be equally sensitive to their decisions. When introducing dates to your children take it slowly and only consider it when you think the person will be around for a while, so you don't affect your child's stability.

When you bear all of these things in mind it's clear that dating in your 40s is going to be very different from when you were young. This shouldn't put you off. Online dating will introduce you to so many new people and you'll get the chance to find out about people that you may not usually go for. You can learn a lot about someone just from their profile and so won't need to actually meet so many to find the right one. This will save you time, which is precious, and ensure that the people you choose to meet have the personality, interests and commitment that you are looking for in a partner.

Life begins at 40 and so can dating. If you've been off the scene for decades it can seems like an uphill task but it's like riding a bike - you never forget. And don't be worrying yourself about being hurt again, it may happen but you have to take that risk to find love.

Spring clean your love life...

Where does the time go? Can you believe we are already well into March, that's almost 3 months of 2009 gone! This month sees the weather change for something a little warmer, the daffodils sprout out in the gardens and of course the mornings get lighter as we put the clocks forward�. Summer is coming, albeit a bit slowly!!

By now you've probably ridden yourself of the guilt of abandoning those new year's resolutions and are looking for that perfect match to spend those long summer nights with - dreaming about enjoying the late evenings in the park over a bottle of wine or two, maybe even planning a holiday for the two of you and flicking through online photo galleries at the destination of your choice - BUT there's a problem, at the moment the holiday is only booked for one.

Whilst sorting through your household chores, giving your nesting pad a good spring clean - why not think about our top five tips and take the opportunity to spring clean your love life too? By the end of the month, when the clocks leap forward, there's no reason why you shouldn't have a spring in your step too!

Your profile

Whether you have been online dating for a day or a few months, it's well worth revisiting your online profile. As you get more familiar with the site, and read the varied and colourful profiles of potential dates, you will start to feel more confident about your own profile and be able to edit it, describing yourself in more detail. Remember that your online dating profile is the limited window your potential match will get into your world, so is worth keeping up to date, adding new anecdotes about you and your family, and really thinking, and being honest, about what you want from a relationship. As hard as they can be to write, your dating profile really is worth investing time and effort into, as this is what is going to get a member to initiate contact with you.

If you are stuck as to what to say, you can always email a few friends and ask them to describe you at this time of year in approximately 20 words. You could then add this to your profile, literally saying -'this is what my friends say about me'. Writing something within the free text area of the site, even if it's from a friend, is so much better than leaving it blank and it will get people to get in touch.

Your photo

You'll know yourself that when you have been looking through other members' photos you really want to see the person behind the 'greyed out box', and you may decide not to contact them because you can't visualise the member. We know that profiles with photos get significantly more contacts than those without, and on this site, you can even upload your photo and ask for it to remain private, so members have to ask you to see your photo. This is a really helpful tool if you are a little shy, or worried about people seeing you on the site. (NB: A private photo doesn't mean of an adult nature, more that the member doesn't want to be visible to all!)

Your social diary

Your diary is probably clogged full of daily chores, the work to do list from hell and if you are really honest with your diary keeping about once every two months there will be a hair appointment, but that will probably be the only hour you spend on yourself in two months! Look at your weekends - seeing couple friends and family? Set aside at least one weekend every six weeks where you endeavour to find a date, or go out with other single friends for a Saturday night social drink. It may even be that you go out with other work colleagues - but a work event, even if it's a work birthday, really doesn't count! This has to be a night where you go out and have fun with friends.

You could take this opportunity to contact another member and go out on a date with them. It doesn't have to be anything heavy just commit to yourself that at least once every six weeks will see you go out and enjoy your single self!

Your contact diary

Have you got what you'd call an old fashioned little black book? I guess these days it's a little blackberry� whatever shape and size your contact diary comes in have you been through it recently? Do you have the numbers of eligible single people, or single friends who know single people? If your contact diary is looking a bit slim, get out there and get chatting to your friends and work colleagues in a bid to boost that flagging address book! In addition, go through your online dating mail box and de-clutter it - especially if you've been online dating for a while. Refresh yourself with the profiles of contacts you've made and if you think they are worth another punt, re-contact them again. In the spirit of increasing your contact diary, make an effort to contact at least two people a week - and if you work on having a single night every six weeks that's potentially 12 people you could be choosing your date from!

Your dating outlook

If you've been single for a while, or just a few weeks, looking for a potential partner can feel like a lonely process, but it really doesn't have to be. Using an online dating site helps to take the stress out of looking for a date, as you know that there are thousands of people, just like you, all looking for that perfect match. On this dating site there are great tools like daters diaries where you can upload, read and comment on yours and other members' dating experiences, creating a great online community where you can ask all sorts of questions. You also get to read the success stories of others - which, if you've been dating for a while, can boost your confidence knowing that this method of looking for that perfect date does work!

How to Get That Perfect Photo

As we all know, first impressions count and we generally only get one chance to make a first impression. When it comes to meeting people online your photo is your first impression - you need it to get attention. It's important therefore to have a great photo (or photos) on your profile.

The tips below will help ensure your photo is the best it can be.

Make sure you do have at least one photo. Research shows that many people search only for people who have uploaded pictures. Few people like the idea of a blind date and want to know what their date looks like before actually meeting them. If you choose not to put a photo of yourself on your profile you're limiting the number of people that will read your profile.

Photos can tell people so much more about you but don't be tempted to put on a whole album. Although you can put a large number of photos on, try to limit yourself to about three; a head and shoulders, a full length and one that shows your interests (you playing sport for example).

Especially for your main head and shoulders shot, why not have it taken specifically for the site rather than sifting through boxes in search for a photo? Ask a friend with a digital camera to help by taking a number of different shots for you to choose from.

Lighting can make a big difference for your photo. Soft light is the most flattering to your face. If you're worried about wrinkles or blemishes place a white sheet below and behind you and this will bounce light onto your face and reduce the appearance of these. A photo by a window is also a good idea as the light comes in from the side and can be very flattering.

Be natural. Don't be tempted to glam up and over do the hair and makeup. This can be off putting and often make you look false.

For your full length shot think about your body language. Face forward and be open. Don't have your hands in your pockets as this can make it look like you're hiding. A smile is a must but it's essential that it's a natural smile. A good way to do this is to do or say something funny just before the shot.

For perfect eyes it can help to have your eyes closed until the very moment the camera is clicked. This gives a wide, bright eyed look that is very attractive.

You may feel awkward or silly in front of the camera and unsure of how to stand. If this is the case then cheat! Celebrities pose for magazines all the time. See what poses make them look fabulous and copy them.

If you don't use a new photo think about what's in the background of your chosen photo. Safety should always be at the forefront of your mind so don't use photos that may have information such as your location, names of buildings etc. It's best not to use a photo with other people in too- you don't want to distract people from you!

When choosing photos don't be tempted to use really old ones. Yes, you look younger but it's a lie and although older photos may not show your now receding hairline, extra few pounds or eye wrinkles, you can't hide this when you meet people. It's best to be honest from the start.

Action shots can show the real you. Including photos of you doing sports or at famous landmarks while on holiday shows that you do do the things you mention in your profile! These make you more interesting as they tell people so much about you.

Your photo is the main ingredient for an effective profile. Hopefully the advice above will complete your recipe for love.

What makes a great online profile?

There's no denying that creating that perfect online dating profile can be a tough thing to do. Luckily, some of the basics are covered by multiple choice options and thinking of your favourite film, book and drink isn't too testing! But what about the bits in between - the bit where it asks you to write a paragraph about yourself and then about your ideal match?

You've probably sat and thought about it in detail and either put time and effort into it, or ignored the section and moved on as you don't want to come across as too soft and soppy, neither do you want to appear bossy and matter of fact. To stand out from the crowd you need to really sit back and think about how you want to come across - spending a great deal of time writing about who you are looking for, doesn't give your potential date the opportunity to learn more about you. As with anything, if you spend a little time and effort putting in the graft early on, other members will get an insight into who you really are - and they'll probably find you very attractive!

Follow these top tips to create a great online profile:

Writing your personal profile is a difficult task but the better profiles are the ones with more detail in them, and therefore the ones that will attract the most responses. It's well worth investing the time and effort into the job at the beginning, and updating it regularly as you get more comfortable on the site.

Keeping your “find a date” resolution

Hope you haven’t given up yet!  We all know that New Year’s resolutions are notoriously hard to keep and if you’ve made a resolution to yourself that 2009 is the year to find a date, how are you getting on with your list of things to do?  There are plenty of things to try, so don’t abandon your resolution at such an early stage!

Remember that things worth doing are worth doing properly and if you put in time and effort you will be rewarded.  Don’t give up at the first hurdle and don’t get disheartened if things don’t happen as quickly as you’d hope.  Staying positive is the key.

Online dating is sure to find you a date quicker than other methods, just be sure to log on regularly and take heed of these guidelines:

Your profile is vital and now is the time to take a fresh look at it and update it. Make sure you have completed all sections about yourself so others can find out as much as possible about you. Potential dates initially only have this as an insight as to who you are.  Your profile is your advert, your shop window and your first impression.  

As writing about yourself can often be difficult why not look at other people's profiles who are of a similar age to you for ideas (you can do this by changing your search), or ask your friends to say a few things about you; what do they think you are like? / best attributes / things they admire about you?  Think about the positives and how you think your friends see you, and then put that into words.  It's not easy, and usually people do find it easier to talk about what they want and not about themselves.

When writing what you are looking for try to be specific.  It’s great to be very general and say 'you don't mind someone who will make you laugh and be happy to go out or stay in' but this really isn't a description of what you are looking for.  Think about specific attributes - do you want them to have certain hobbies that are compatible to yours?  Do you want them to lead a certain lifestyle?  How flexible in your lifestyle are you - for example if you are a staunch Times reader you may find a Sun reader a put off!  Should they have a job and disposable income or are you happy to pay their way as well as yours?  What about children? Is it important to you?  By being a little more specific in your 'what you are looking for' section you are less likely to be disappointed further down the line.  Having said that don't be too descriptive as you don't want to put everyone off by dictating!

Change your photo regularly.  A lot can be read in your body language so choose a photo with an open posture and a smile.  Everyone likes to see what people look like and so choose a photo that you’re happy with and shows the real you.

You can add as many photos to your profile as you wish, but they need to be good quality head and shoulder shots of you - no children or photos of your house / car!  Look through your photos over the past few months in different social situations as these all help to build a picture of you in a potential date's mind.  You could be at your work Christmas party, out with friends on a Saturday afternoon, or casual in the park on a Sunday with the kids.  A mixture of photos is a great insight into your lifestyle and prompts others to do the same.  And don't forget as a subscribed member you can decide if you want people to see your pictures or you can upload them and have them on a private setting so people have to ask you to view them.  That way you stay in control.

When writing information for your profile please, please avoid clichés.  If your profile sounds like everyone else’s it will just blend into the background.  Make yours special and don’t just use phrases that you think should be written.  Be truthful about yourself.

To ensure you have the best chance or finding your perfect date why not widen your search.  Have you been too specific or picky?  If you have, this will limit your responses. 

The site offers loads of ways to search; from as specific as hair and eye colour, within 5 miles of your location to as broad as 'any miles from location' with no specific criteria at all.  It’s good to have some search perimeters but maybe extend your search from 5 miles to 10 miles instead of being stuck at 5 miles - that perfect date could be just 8 miles from you but you are missing out!  Typically a member will travel 50 miles for a date, for you that maybe too far but it's sometimes worth a look!  Likewise, if your search criteria are set very specific - e.g. you will only look at people with brown hair and brown eyes, who don't smoke, drink and are accountants within 10 miles of you, you may be limiting your criteria too much!  Think about what is really important to you in a potential date - list the top 3 things and stick to these and then begin to be flexible on your other criteria.  Don't go to the extreme the other way and be very vague as you will only end up disappointed

When you’re happy with your profile and photo make sure you log on often.  Logging on at least twice a week will keep your profile towards the top of others search criteria, so reviewing who has looked at you regularly is well worth the visit!  Thousands of new members join every day so you never know when that ideal date could be joining - so frequent online visits is a must.  Your profile will be highlighted when you update your text / log on / add a photo - which is eye catching to other members.

Take the plunge and send a wink to a member, or better still send them a message - you could simply ask how there day has been.  You could say you have seen their profile, think they sound interesting and would like to receive an email back.  You don't need to write an essay in your first message and definitely no life stories but a gentle “hi, how are you” could make someone's day and find you that perfect match!  The more people you contact, the greater the chance of finding that special someone and if you don’t get a response straight away don’t give up.

Working at your new year’s resolution may be hard work and time consuming but it should also be fun so enjoy looking!

Good luck!

The advantages of online dating

Online dating – you’ve heard about it, might have dipped your toe in the water but you’re probably sat in one of two camps: the ‘it’s for desperate people, but I’m still single’ camp, or the ‘I have/haven’t tried it but think ‘why not it’s worth a go’ camp.  Whichever one you are sat in, there are some great advantages to online dating, so read on and start feeling positive about your dating search source!

In the UK there are approximately 14 million adults who are single, of which you can bet about 80% of them are looking for a relationship where they can settle down and share their life ambitions with someone.  You fall into this category, so you are starting off in a healthy pool of people.  Over the last five years internet dating has become the norm – it’s not about dating a desperate freak, but aligned with people like you, who are busy 24 / 7, with other things that preoccupy them and leave their love life firmly sat on the shelf.  Chances are your friends don’t have a suitable friend for you and neither is the gallery of office tottie to your taste!  So you’ve jumped into the pool of 4 million online daters and with that amount of people there is going to be someone out there for you – it just may take a bit of time and patience.

So how do you tackle the plethora of profiles out there?  You’ve done the first, and hardest bit, by creating your online profile (which don’t forget will need a touch of an update from time to time), and now you need to start looking at your search options.  One of the great advantages of searching online is that you can be picky!  You can set your search criteria to be generic, save it as your generic criteria and then start weeding out the key bits that are important to you.  So if you want to date a member that doesn’t smoke, occasionally drinks and is interested in having children – that could be one of your saved searches that you revisit.  By going through your search options, and revising your criteria you’ll start to learn what type of person you are looking for and you should see a common theme!

Each time you log in there will be new fresh faces and profiles to investigate, and you can scrutinise each one from the comfort of your own home.  You’ll have the ability to trawl through hundreds of potential dates, whilst sat in your loungewear, looking unkempt, totally relaxed and drinking wine if you so desire – and absolutely no one else will know! 

In a lot of the profiles, the other member will have submitted a photo, so you can also start gathering a picture from their photo and profile about that person.  If there is something that intrigues you within their details, bite the bullet and send a message or a wink.  What is the worst that can happen – they don’t respond.  You haven’t done anything other than send them a short message, so what do you really have to lose – you never know, they could be ‘the one’! 

It’s great being able to write to someone when you want to, but having said that don’t bombard them with messages, especially if they haven’t written back.  As a rule of thumb, it’s ok to send someone two messages, even without a response from them, but as you can see if they have read the message you sent, if there is no response by the second message, move on.  There are plenty of people who will respond to you, and when they do you’ll get a great feeling and may want to concentrate on them for a while.

If you are sending and receiving email messages from a member, don’t leave it too long until you speak on the phone and then meet up.  Take things at your own pace, and only meet when you feel comfortable in doing so, but if you aren’t miles away from each other and circumstances permit, a good guide to follow is 3 emails each, 2 phone calls and a first date.

Writing a good profile and scribbling your first message are hard tasks but without effort and time invested you can’t expect to reap the rewards of online dating (see also our article “What makes a great online profile?”).  By writing your messages online you get to review, check for grammatical errors and use that all important spell checker!  There is nothing worse than receiving a message that’s badly written, full of errors or in text speak.  We all make mistakes and the odd typo shouldn’t kill a budding relationship, but errors are made when we are excited, in a hurry or nervous so it’s well worth taking an extra few minutes to check what you have written. It shows attention to detail and says a lot about you as a person and how you want come across to someone.

Pretty much all of us know someone who met their partner online, so we know it’s a successful source of finding that perfect person – it just takes a bit of time, effort and patience.  With a bit of these three ingredients you’ll be well on your way to finding that first date! 

Dating in the credit crunch

The credit crunch has arrived.  It’s been predicted for months and now everyone is talking about it and most of us are feeling the effects of it.  So along with reducing our electricity bills and food shopping there are ways we can spend less on dating without reducing the fun.

A good date isn’t measured by how much money is spent.  Think about good past dates, and what you enjoy doing on a date, it doesn’t have to involve a huge bill at the end of it. 

If you want to be traditional and go for a meal, research can help save money.  Look around and choose your restaurant based on those that have special offers or that you may have a money saving voucher for.  Some restaurants offer ‘early bird’ menus and if you eat locally transport costs will be lower too.

Or why not arrange to meet for coffee or lunch rather than an evening meal?  A light lunch and a drink are less expensive and still gives you the opportunity to meet and chat.

Alternatively you could have a meal at home.  Buying in ingredients is far cheaper and gives you a chance to show off your cooking skills.  If you’re not an up and coming chef all supermarkets offer great ready meals and you’ll often get a three course meal and wine cheaper than a meal for one eating out.  Failing that you could always order in a takeaway.  To make it feel more romantic remember to set your table with candles and have your favourite CD playing.  Whilst you may prefer this, it’s always a good idea to double date at home for your first few dates.  Remember not to invite someone into your personal space until you feel comfortable to do so.

An evening out at your local pub is great for a date, and when looking at member profiles seem to be the preferred choice of date location.  You can choose a quiet corner for an intimate chat and forget that anyone else is even there.  Or why not arrange to meet up with friends or even join in the pub quiz; you never know, you could win some cash!

If you enjoy films and often go to the cinema a cheaper option is to rent a DVD.  Films are out on DVD much quicker now and your sofa is far more comfortable for a cuddle than a cinema seat with an arm rest between you and stale popcorn under foot. Have your favourite nibbles close to hand and bring your duvet to the sofa for an evening of entertainment in comfort.

For a different type of date why not visit a museum or gallery.  Many are free to enter and give you a quiet place to wander around together and the opportunity to get to know each other better.  There are a huge variety of museums and galleries so you can choose which you would both find most interesting.  At the end of your date you’ll be more cultured and still with a full wallet. 

Other great places to browse around are markets or car boot sales.  Check your local paper for what’s on and spend hours wandering the stalls, you may pick up a bargain and in doing so you’ll learn what each other are interested in.

The great outdoors offers lots of fantastic dating ideas that won’t break the bank.  Going to a park for a walk or a picnic is a lovely way to spend an afternoon.  If you look into this beforehand you can choose a park with historic sites or buildings for something extra to see.  Or if you’re feeling more energetic take your bikes or rackets to the park.  There’s nothing quite like fresh air to set your heart beating!

Why not jump in your car, grab a map (or SatNav), a packed lunch and take a drive somewhere new?  A drive can be relaxing and fun.  Take in the scenery and stop off for lunch and enjoy a date for just the price of your petrol.  This gives you lots of time to chat and find out more about each other or just enjoy each others company while listening to your favourite music.

So in these times of tightening your belt it doesn’t mean the end to dating.  Being romantic doesn’t cost anything and there are options that won’t break the bank. Always remember your own safety and unless you know your date well, stick to public places.